Let me give you our back story before I even get into the whole explanation as to why we are choosing to wait for marriage.
Erik and I met in 2009 while working at Bd’s Mongolian Grill(horrible, horrible work experience). I was just a few weeks pregnant with Margot. No, Erik is not Margot’s biological father. But that is a long story with some very strong opinions and words not meant for the eyes of someone who may still see her biological father in any sort of decent light. If they knew the real story, they wouldn’t still feel that way. ANYWAYS, Erik had just broke up with another girl at the time, and Sperm Donor as I’ll refer to him had just left me. Erik and I started hanging out fairly regularly with a group of work friends, and our relationship came about unexpectedly. Neither of us were really looking for companionship, much less a relationship. But it happened. He was a completely different person then, and so was I.
We had only been together for six months when Margot was born, and that day Erik began his transformation into the most wonderful father. Understand that neither of us were “perfect” parents. We were(and still are) young, and we didn’t handle many situations maturely. There were many times where we argued with our parents about our relationship. My mother loathed Erik; my oldest brother passed judgement on him pretty early on based on how he knew him when he was 16 and just happened to work with him. My mother believed every word that was said about Erik. On the other hand, Erik’s family adored me. I was quickly accepted into the family, and Margot was as well. It was a fight to keep our family together when there was so much tension and bad blood on my side. Clearly, we prevailed.
To save myself the reminder of the darkest time in our relationship, I will skip to now. We now live eight hours away in Tennessee. Erik’s mother, grandparents, and younger brother live here as well. We were misinformed about the area before we moved, but it was the only real chance we had at leading any sort of decent life for Margot. We are able to afford a beautiful townhome, support our kids, and maintain a distanced relationship with our families. The vast majority of the relationships with our family are intact, but many remain on the rocks. We try not to dwell on our past, because we are truly happy this way. It is what’s best for our family.
Anyways, September marks Erik and I’s three year anniversary of dating. Everyone asks why we aren’t married, or at least engaged especially when we have two kids. Here it is: we are not ready for it. Why? Because we want our kids to be a part of it, and understand how much more we care about them than a piece of paper making our relationship legal.
Erik and I both come from what most people would call “broken” families. My mother was married and divorced once, and she never dated anyone else after the four of us were born. We were her focus, her drive, her everything. I never really understood why she had to work as hard as she did until I had my own kids. But I respect her immensely for never losing sight of what was really important. I didn’t meet my father until I was almost 18, and we still have to work on our relationship. There are many times where I feel like I have to parent him. I know it hurts him that I don’t talk to him regularly, but he chose to not be a part of my life until I forced him to be.
-To Be Continued, children are messing with my computer.-