unbleighvable

My glamorous life in all of its utter ridiculousness

Why Aren’t We Married? (Part 2) July 22, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — unbleighvable @ 1:55 am

-I had already finished this original post and Voila! my two year old erased it. Mom life!-

As far as Erik’s family history for marriage, his parents were married for a couple years, I believe, before separating. His father remarried and had two more children. They are still together and a very successful couple. Erik’s relationship with his father remains a little rocky, but they are much better off living apart. His mother, however, remarried and divorced which produced his younger brother. I believe she was engaged once more, but that relationship ended in her relocating to Tennessee. She has dated several other men since moving here, but her current beau is a fantastic man. Erik, the kids, and I all adore him. Our relationship with his mother is a little forced, but she is a wonderful “Yaya”. Clearly, the whole idea of marriage has been skewed for Erik, and I can’t blame him for that.

In many ways, Erik and I are already married. We have lived together for over a year and a half, and we have two wonderful children. We operate as one unit; we are a package deal. When it comes to decision making, there is no “what he wants” or “what I want”. There is always compromise. But in reality? We just are not ready to jump into a legally binding “contract” with one another. Yes, we adore each other. Yes, getting married is important to us. We both believe in the permanence of marriage; we want it to work. Postponing an engagement doesn’t mean that we aren’t committed to one another; we have been for three years. This is the right decision for us right now.

I know that I am also a huge contributor for Erik’s wanting to hold off on getting married. I constantly remind him of the engagement ring I want, and he understands that I have high expectations. I don’t expect to see a ring like this any time soon. He wants to get me the ring I’ve always dreamed of having, but that’s all it is. It’s a dream; it’s unfair and unrealistic of me to want a Tacori or a Tiffany or anything pricey for that matter. When he is ready, he will pick the most beautiful ring I’ll have ever seen. Whatever he chooses is my real dream.

What other reasons do we have for not getting married? We want the kids to be a huge part of the ceremony, and we want it to mean something to them when it happens. We want them to at least comprehend a little bit of why it is so important. Weddings are expensive. So are babies. Our kids are our top priority, and they always will be. Planning a wedding will always take a backseat to our children’s needs and wants. We both want an amazing and classy ceremony, and that will take time and money to orchestrate. Waiting gives us time to plan exactly what we want. And lastly, we’re still young. We are only 23, and we have more than most 23 year olds could imagine. We have everything from: a beautiful home, happy, healthy, adorable kids, and financial stability.

I’m sure I catch a lot of slack from the religious people in our lives because we live together and have kids. Let me just say, keep your opinions to yourself. We pay our bills; we raise our children lovingly; we support one another. If you believe God doesn’t approve of my lifestyle, that’s on you. I can’t say I’m perfect or even close to it, but I am proud of what we have. When the timing is right for us, we’ll get married. That time is just not right now.

This is an old picture that was taken during a photo session for Margot.

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One Response to “Why Aren’t We Married? (Part 2)”

  1. I think that you guys are making very good decisions in regards to your life right now, and that it will pay off very well down the road for it. Marriage is a wonderful, important, and deeply bonding step for a couple- if it’s done correctly, with a solid foundation. Otherwise it’s just a step towards making things worse down the line. You two seem to be a fantastic couple, doing everything right and raising the hell out of two great kids. And the fact that you have all that you have and still know that the time for marriage is not quite here yet is just another sign that you have your ducks in a row. I wish you all the best- as a family and you in particular- it’s awesome to have known you as a 14 year old freshman and see how rad your life has turned out to be.


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